


Remember Me (I'm the One Who Loves You)

by queststar



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, First Kiss, Idiots in Love, Memory Loss, Storybrooke (Once Upon a Time), Swan Queen - Freeform, Swan Queen Supernova 2020 (Once Upon a Time), True Love's Kiss, hook's an ass, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25954366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queststar/pseuds/queststar
Summary: Canon divergent from S04E12, when Emma proposes to be Regina's drinking buddy after Robin leaves for New York, with Marian.The next thing they know is that they wake up in Regina's bed without their memories from the day before, and it's up to them to figure out what the hell has happened to them.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 34
Kudos: 288
Collections: Swan Queen Supernova V: Forever Starstruck





	1. In which some memory loss occurs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kierrass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kierrass/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Remember Me (I'm the One Who Loves You) [ART]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25957564) by [kierrass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kierrass/pseuds/kierrass). 



> Thank so much to my cheerleader Jill (@sphix here on Ao3 / @HookedSQ at Twitter, go find her!), who kept on checking in and helped me with some plot points when I got stuck, Irymia, for beta-ing my story at lightning speed! Also, Mr Johnny Cash, for lending me the title of his song because I suck at making up titles and this one fit the story so very, very well :) 
> 
> DO NOT FORGET to visit the WONDERFUL piece of art that the super talented @kierrass made to go with the story! I am forever grateful that she picked up my fic, thank you so much! Find her at @kierraswen on Twitter and Instagram for more wonderful art of our two favorite ladies!
> 
> And last, but definitely not least, the amazing SQSN for pulling all of this off <3  
> Now, without much further ado: onto the story! Have fun :)

_ “I’m not in the mood for a hope speech, Emma,” Regina says, resting her head on her hand.  _

_ “You’re mistaking me for my mother,” Emma replies with a half-smirk. “Besides, you don’t need a speech -- you need a drinking buddy. Shots?”  _

_ Mildly surprised, Regina raises her head and looks at the Savior. With a dismissive gesture, she sighs, “Sure, why not?”  _

_ Emma smiles briefly, looks at the bartender and says: “Two,” holding up two fingers at the same time. Regina sighs and looks back down at her coffee, cupping it with her hands.  _

_ “You know you did the right thing today.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Rolling her eyes, Regina huffs, “There it is! A hope speech. I thought we were drinking.” She is clearly annoyed.  _

_ “It’s not a speech, it’s a compliment,” Emma replies, eyes raised at the ceiling.  _

_ “I don’t need a validation, I know I did the right thing… I know, because I’m miserable. Again,” she adds with a sigh. A pause follows, her words hanging heavily in the air. _

_ “If it makes you feel any better.. so is Gold.” Emma’s mouth curls into a small smile. _

_ After a second of deliberation, Regina nods. “It - does -.”  _

_ They clink their glasses, but before they can throw the alcohol down their throats, Granny’s bell rings and Henry storms inside - _

~*~ 

Regina slowly wakes up. It is hard for her to open her eyes. She feels groggy. Not because she’s hungover, though. That feels different. But there’s a pleasant laziness in her limbs that keeps her in her bed. It might have something to do with the warm body laying against her back. She’s on her side, and the arm draped over her waist, the body snuggled against hers, makes her feel warm and cozy and content, and she has no intention of fully waking up any time soon. She is happy, and in this present state between dream and reality, she realizes she hasn’t been this happy for a long while. 

Fingers draw soft patterns on her stomach, but she instinctively knows it is an unconscious gesture. She feels how a warmth originates from where the fingers touch her skin, spreading through her entire body, and she sighs a happy sigh. It has been a while since she has been so comfortable and without worry. She lazily shifts an arm to lace the fingers with her own, enjoying feelings which she hadn't felt in  _ such _ a long time, and with two fingers she stroked the other arm of --

_ Wait. _

_ Who exactly _ ?

Her eyes fly open at the very same moment the stranger’s arm is pulled back in a flash and she struggles out of bed, nearly panicking. She hears a thump at the other side of the bed and recognizes it as the sound of someone falling to the ground. As she swings her legs over the left side of the bed, she turns with a leap and looks straight into a pair of bright green eyes peeking over the bed´s edge, which mirror the panic Regina is feeling.

“Emma?!”

“Regina?! I -- What’d you do?”

“Miss Swan, what the hell are you doing in my bedroom?” Irritation and panic are merging in Regina’s stomach.

“What-  _ me _ ?! Why the hell am I in your bed -  _ with you _ ?!” Emma cries out.

“I don’t know, dear, that’s why I asked,” the brunette snaps, now flustered.

As the first flash of anger and panic dissipates, Regina looks closer, stating that both of them are fully dressed.  _ Pity _ , she unconsciously thinks but she shakes it off, dismissively. “What the  _ hell  _ is going on here?”

“I don’t know,” Emma says indignantly, inspecting her own clothes. “I can’t even remember ending up  _ here _ .” She glares at Regina in suspicion. “You? Regina, did you have anything to do with-”

“What- no! Thank you for your trust,  _ savior, _ ” Regina snarls. She feels oddly hurt because of Emma’s remark. “And may I remind you that you’re in  _ my  _ bedroom? All I know is you offering to be my drinking buddy and after the first shot, I don’t remember anything. I-” A memory surfaces and her brow furrows even more. “No, wait. I don’t even  _ remember _ drinking the  _ first  _ one.”

Emma frowns while she searches her own memory. “That’s my last memory as well. Henry barging into Granny’s.”

“And we’re  _ clearly  _ not hungover. So something else must’ve happened after that.” She folds her arms, which gives her a sense of reassurance. “Wait - how much time has passed since then? God knows how much time we’re missing.”

Emma helplessly shrugs. “What the hell happened?” She runs her hands through her hair, pulls it from her face and combs through it with her fingers. 

“I don’t know, but I’m going to figure it out,” Regina spits, turning around to march out of the room.

“Regina, wait,” Emma calls out, running after her. “We’re in this together, okay? We’ll figure it out. First, we need to see how much time passed.” Patting her pant pockets, she frowns, “I don’t have my phone.”

Regina searches for hers too but comes up empty-handed as well. She all but runs to the front door to pick up the Daily Mirror and breathes deeply. “Only one day,” she sighs relieved, showing the newspaper to Emma. Finding out the date has at least lowered the level of adrenaline in her body, which gives her mind some space to go over what had happened the day before. 

Yesterday she’d said her goodbyes to Robin. Her life had fallen apart - again. She was emotionally devastated - again. Doing the right thing, being a freaking hero, isn’t really compatible with her happiness, she bitterly thinks. Apparently, the universe is even against her drinking her misery away, as she has no recollection nor a hangover to prove that she and Emma had indeed been doing shots in the end. 

Emma’s words bring her back to the present. “Do you think someone used magic on us?” The permanent frown on the blonde’s brow furrows even more. 

“Well,” Regina sighs, lifting her arms in exasperation and rolling her eyes, “obviously, because this is not an alcoholic induced memory loss. And we don’t even know the extent of the spell - are we the only ones that can’t remember last night?” Regina combs her hand through her hair, and a little impatient, she says: “I’m going to find Henry. He was supposed to sleep at your place tonight and since he’s the last one we saw yesterday, barging into Granny’s, we need to know if he’s all right.”

Emma hums in agreement and lets Regina go first. At least, Regina muses, their quest will take her mind off the searing feeling of despair she’s been harboring since Robin’s left town.

~*~ 

After the initial shock, Emma calms down a bit as they swiftly pace through the silent streets of Storybrooke. It is still very early and a Sunday as well, so there isn’t a living soul outside yet. That’s good, because if this memory loss is widespread, they might have a town-wide panic on their hands. 

She knew right away that Regina hadn’t lied after they’d both shot out of the bed. Emma can always see right through Regina. She always knows when Regina is lying. If she  _ has  _ to be cursed with someone, she figures, Regina would be her best option. 

A pang of guilt shoots through her chest because she realizes she placed Regina before Killian, but she shrugs it off quickly. In fact, she muses, she’s not really surprised. If she was completely honest with herself, she would take Regina over Killian during every curse. She’s not really sure what that means, but she does know she trusts Regina completely. Regina is the one person who can truly understand her. Emma  _ needs  _ her to be in her life. 

Besides, if she is truly honest with herself, she actually enjoyed waking up like that. Wrapped around Regina. She isn’t even going to deny it. Emma’s had a crush on Regina for years, almost since they met for the first time. 

And Regina can never know. 

For years, before Killian, before Robin and even when they were fighting like hell, she has felt physically pulled to Regina. For one, the woman is impossibly attractive, especially when she is angry. But there is more. Emma loves how Regina’s mind works. How she moves. Her sarcasm. Her love and affection for Henry. The way she smiles -- she hasn’t done that a lot, lately and Emma hates that it’s her fault.

And Emma knows there is even more and that, even though Regina is too blind to see, there have been these moments between them that  _ could have potentially been more  _ but Regina’s always been oblivious to them or was just not interested. 

But when Regina gave Emma her own memories of raising Henry, just before Pan’s curse hit, she’d known. She’d realized that at a certain level, Regina cared for her. And then, for only a year, she hadn’t known until Hook had come and given her back her memories.

Returning to Storybrooke after that year was bittersweet. Emma had hoped that she and Regina could maybe talk about memories, feelings,  _ things _ , talk about the curse, talk about the life Regina had created for Henry, but before she had any chance, Regina found her frigging soulmate. And Emma, frustrated but not wanting to stand in the way of Regina’s happiness, had retreated. Because, how could she possibly compete with a soulmate? (Even if the guy was a total douchebag)

Emma sighs, shaking her head. Robin’s gone now, but Regina’s hurting. She can see it in the way the brunette hunches her shoulders, and her heart aches for her. But she doesn’t really know what to say. She’s experienced enough loss herself to know that sometimes, silence is the best answer. 

They make their way over to the apartment she still shares with her parents and Neal in silence. She quickens her pace so that she walks next to Regina, and the brunette briefly looks sideways. “We’re going to fix this. We’re going to be okay,” she says. Emma sees her own concern for Henry mirrored in brown eyes, and she nods, hoping it will reassure Regina that their son will be fine. It is all she can do. Regina gives one nod as a reply, breaks the eye contact and firmly plants her gaze at the building they’re quickly approaching. 

~*~

“Ma! Mom?” Henry says, turning his head from the one to the other, a little surprised that both his moms are standing at the door when he opens it. He looks at them, funnily. “What’s wrong?” he asks them warily. It’s almost like he knows something.

“Well, we’re trying to figure that out, dear,” Regina tells their son, squeezing his shoulder before she walks past him. She leans against the counter. “It appears that someone has been messing with our memories - again,” she adds, looking up to Emma. Emma adds, “We can’t remember anything after you came to us at Granny’s. Do you?”

Henry’s eyes wander before they settle on his mom. “Yes, I do. We went to Gold’s house. I showed you the room with the books and-- you don’t remember that?” he says, puzzled, seeing the blank faces staring at him.

"Well,” Regina notices after a short pause, “It appears that we’re the only ones affected so far, then.”

“Tell us what happened, kid,” Emma says. “We’re going to retrace everything to figure out what happened to us.”   
  


“Cool, like detectives. Do you think it has something to do with Operation Mongoose?” Henry looks a little too greedy and Regina says, “Maybe,” at the same time as Emma asks, “What operation?”

Regina shuffles a little unsettled and Henry sighs: “You really don’t remember, do you?”

Both women shake their heads and Regina smiles wryly, turning to Emma. “Henry and I… Well, uh… we were looking for the author. I was… hoping he,” she says with a sigh and a half-smile, “he could write me a happier story.”

“Oh my god, mom,” Henry cries out in surprise, “those are the exact same words you used yesterday evening when we were in Gold’s house!”   
  
Regina looks at him, startled, but he turns to Emma, saying, “We called it Operation Mongoose.” 

“I like it,” Emma immediately says, placing a hand on Henry’s shoulder, “it’s got style. I’m in.”

“You are?” Regina’s eyes land on Emma, surprised. 

“Well, I made you a promise and I intend to keep it,” Emma’s lips curve into a smile. “Everyone deserves a happy ending.” 

Regina feels her stomach squeeze as she returns the smile. 

“MOMS! This is _exactly_ what you said _yesterday_!” Henry squeals. “That must mean something, right?!” Both women turn their heads in unison to face their son, stupefied. He continues, “Okay, so we went to Gold’s house because I needed to show you something. There’s a hidden door in a dead-ended wall and you can open it while pushing down a lamp on that very wall. Behind it is a huge room, it looks like a library only it isn’t. It contains all sorts of empty books _just like my storybook_ but they’re all empty so we figured it’s _probably_ the author’s house. We looked around for a bit but couldn’t find the author and then we left... together. I went to the apartment and you wanted to see if there were any clues in Gold’s store.” 

Emma and Regina instantly find each other’s eyes. “Then that’s where we should go next,” Emma says, happy to have a lead. “Kid, do you think there’s something in the author’s house that we missed?” 

“We might,” Henry shrugs, and he looks thoughtful. As if he wants to say something, but doesn’t. Instead, he says, “I’d planned to go back there today to see if I could figure out more.” 

“All right,” Emma says, stretching out a hand towards Regina, who’s sunk on a bar stool moments before. “Let us know if you find something, kid. We’re off to see Belle.” 

Regina stares at the hand for a second, then her eyes flick up at Emma, who seems a little impatient, and she takes her hand, allowing Emma to pull her up. Her fingers tingle where they touch. As if little flashes of electricity run through them. She quickly retracts her hands as if she’d burned herself. “Let’s go, then.” She strides past Emma, who seems a little puzzled before following the brunette.

~*~ 

They exit the building in silence, but as soon as Emma catches up with Regina - who is clearly in a hurry to get to Gold’s shop - she asks her, “Do you have any theories? How can we be the only ones losing our memories?”    
  
“We’re still not sure about that,” Regina answers, not slowing down one bit. “Henry knows what’s happened, but we’ve only seen just him. We don’t know if anyone else is under a spell. For all we know, Gold had one more trick on his sleeve and did a number on others as well. But the way Zelena altered the dark curse that Snow and Charming cast in the Enchanted forest… A wizard or witch would definitely be able to personalize it to target just a couple of subjects.” 

Emma’s brow furrows. “Do you think more people might suffer from this temporary amnesia? Let’s hope Belle’s not,” she adds. Regina shares that sentiment. The bookworm can hold a valuable clue to their whereabouts yesterday evening, and Regina feels she’s getting agitated to solve this entire mystery -- and especially  _ why  _ Emma ended up sleeping in her bed. She picks up the pace, marching swiftly to Gold’s shop. She brusquely pushes the door open upon arrival and barges in.

  
Belle looks surprised when they enter but as soon as she realizes who has come in, she gets a reserved glance in her eyes. “Emma, Regina... did you find what you were looking for yesterday?” 

The blonde and brunette share a gaze before turning their eyes towards Belle again. “We don’t really know,” Emma says. “It appears we’re under some kind of spell and we lost all our memories of last night. We’re basically following clues to see where we’ve been to see what’s happened.”

“Oh?” Belle makes it sound like a question, Regina thinks, and for some reason, it annoys her. “Well, I can help you fill in some of your gaps, I think. You came here yesterday,” the bookworm says, glaring at Regina now, “but you weren’t the politest one.“

“Shocker,” Emma snorts, slightly amused, and at the same time Regina snaps, “Well, that’s not about to change anytime soon, so tell us what you know.” She doesn’t have any patience for this.

They stare at each other until Belle breaks the silence. “Well, as I said  _ yesterday _ , you’re free to look around to see if you can find something, but I’m not sure what items will help you. You’re more adept at searching for usable magical items than I am.” 

“They’re not like spider senses,” Regina scowls, frowning, and Belle smiles wistfully. “That’s what you said yesterday as well. But I don’t know what you’re looking for. Then, I suggested we could go to the library and see if we could find something there, given that Robin found a replacement page of the author’s book in the library, so I suggested we’d go there.” 

Just the mention of his name makes Regina’s heart squeeze with hurt, and she grits her teeth. “Well, yes, and look how well that turned out,” she growls. She can feel how the anger builds up inside her. “It just showed that the author loves toying with the Evil Queen.” 

“Hmm. Maybe. But what if it appeared for a reason?” Belle says, clearly harnessing herself for what is coming. It irritates Regina all the more. 

“What reason?” 

“Maybe the page was meant to lead you here.” 

“Oh, so I was meant to be miserable - again?! Thank you for your wonderfully bright insight,” Regina scoffs.

“Regina, stop it,” Emma says, grabbing her arm, but Regina quickly pulls free, ignoring the electric shocks shooting through her body from the point Emma had touched her.

“No, I won’t,” she snaps. “Because according to the bookworm, I’m supposed to be this miserable for a reason, and I’d like to know what that reason is!” 

“I never said that,” Belle protests.

“What happened yesterday is not her fault,” Emma snaps back at Regina. “She lost someone too.” 

“Then  _ maybe  _ she should not have hooked up with the freaking Dark One and marry him in the first place!” Regina can’t help herself. She is hurting, confused, angry, and she lashes out. Belle’s just the easiest subject around. 

A heavy silence cloaks them. Belle stares at Regina and raises her chin, eyes shining with unshed tears. “As you said yesterday,” she quietly answers. More firmly, she adds, “And as I said yesterday, maybe you should leave. Now.” 

At the same time, Emma grabs Regina’s shoulder and turns her around to face her. “We are leaving.” Regina sees Emma through a red mist of anger. 

“No,  _ we _ aren’t doing anything,” the brunette bites. “You’ve done enough already, haven’t you?” Before the savior can say anything, Regina narrows her eyes and lifts her hand, flicks her wrist and within seconds she’s disappeared in purple smoke, reappearing in the park without Emma. 

Regina paces up and down, trying to compose herself. It’s hard to breathe while thinking about how much she’s given up, what she’s lost and - why the hell did she come here anyway? There, on that bench just in front of her, Robin had told her he’d chosen  _ her. _ Right before Marian fell near the water, shattering her dreams of a future together in a mere second. 

Clenching her teeth and breathing through them, she narrows her eyes, tilts her hand, and a fireball appears. The rage inside her is seeking a way out and she snarls, feeling the need to break  _ something _ . That bench is the perfect victim - now she can’t kill anyone anymore. At least it will kill the memories and right now, it’ll have to do. She brings her arm backwards and with a growl, she wants to thrust the fireball forward and - she can’t. 

“Let  _ go _ ,” she snarls, but Emma has a firm grip on her wrist and is not letting go. 

“Don’t, Regina. It’s not going to change anything. Destroying public property is not worth it.” 

“Well, at least it will make me feel better,” she snaps, trying to pull loose, but Emma is prepared. She keeps a firm hold on Regina’s wrist.

“No it won’t, and you know it,” she softly says, more gentle than Regina expected her to, but she feels how the savior tightens her grip and sees how Emma steps in to lock their eyes, grabbing the other arm as well, and Regina wants to look away from those gentle, understanding eyes because now surfacing right below the fury is grief; seas - no, oceans - of it, and she instinctively feels that it won’t take long before she will break down, and she desperately struggles to control herself, panting heavily. 

But then, Emma murmurs, “Let it go, Regna,” and it breaks her. Horrified, she feels how her eyes fill up with tears and desperately tries to blink them away. One escapes. Then, another one. The first sob leaves her throat.

The fireball disappears when she drops her arm, and she lets out another sob. She raises her hands, not done with fighting yet, and balls them into fists, pushes them against Emma’s chest. Hitting her, again and again. Regina wants to hurt her, wants to destroy  _ something, _ but Emma doesn’t even blink and then wraps her arms tightly around Regina. Emma anchors her at the moment Regina’s legs give way and if it wasn’t for the savior, she would have dropped to the ground. A frail attempt to push Emma away is almost laughable, but Emma simply shifts her grip, pulls Regina close, comforts her with her own body. 

“Let it go.” 

And then, Regina’s walls come crashing down and she gives up fighting, feels how they slowly sink down to the ground, and she buries her face in Emma’s neck to muffle the sound while raising her hands to grip the blonde’s shoulders. Her fingers dig deep in Emma’s skin, but the savior never even winces.

Regina cries with long, silent heaves and can’t stop - she doesn’t even try - and during, Emma just holds her, strikes her hair in comfort, making humming sounds that the brunette registers, but can’t hold on to. Regina clings to Emma as if she’s the only one that grounds her while she grieves intensely for what she has lost. Pixie dust had told her Robin was her soulmate and she had been truly happy until Marian showed up, was cursed and then everything went to hell in the blink of an eye. 

And Regina, once more, can’t shake the thought that villains just never deserve their happy endings. 

Emma firmly keeps her arms wrapped around the devastated woman. She rocks her gently, humming a comforting song that she remembers singing for Henry. Fake memories or not, they always worked and it is an automatic response. 

The savior realizes that Regina has probably never let go like this before, ever in her lifetime. Simply because there hasn’t been anyone to catch her if she fell. There had been nobody that would let her be this vulnerable. It’s a painful parallel with her own life, she realizes, and it makes her want to hold on even tighter. She pushes her nose in Regina’s hair, humming on and clearing her head. All she will do right now is be here for her. 

It feels like forever before Regina calms down, but eventually, her sobs lessen, and though her breathing remains shaky, she feels like she’s getting herself a little bit under control again. Emma still holds her tight, whispers comforting words in her ears and presses a gentle kiss on her hair. Regina’s still breathing heavily, an occasional sob escaping her throat. 

Regina feels empty, as if all feelings have left her body. Except embarrassment, she thinks as she tries to pull back a little, but Emma doesn’t allow her to wriggle loose completely. She does give her some space, so they can look at each other. Regina averts her eyes quickly, flustered about the situation.

“I apologize,” Regina murmurs, but Emma won’t have it. She cups Regina’s face, forcing the brunette to look at her. “Don’t. Never apologize for this. You clearly needed this and I’m glad I could be here for you.” She smiles carefully. “I am here for you, okay?” 

Regina’s cheeks flush, and she squeezes her red-rimmed eyes but doesn’t pull away. The void inside her becomes a little less empty when something flutters in her stomach. It’s the eyes. The bright greenness. Her skin tingles where Emma is still holding her.

“I am usually not-” she begins, but she can’t find the right words, anxious because of her breakdown and how close Emma is. Emma squeezes her arm gently. “I know,” she hums. “Are you feeling better, though?” 

After a moment of contemplation, Regina nods. “I am. Thank you, Emma,” she quietly says with sincerity, and Emma smiles.

“You’re welcome,” she replies, “that’s what friends are for.” She carefully releases the brunette. 

For a moment, it feels like a loss, but then Emma touches her shoulder once more. Regina raises her head to meet her eyes again. She sees honesty, kindness and something else. “I’m here for you. You know that, right? No hope speeches, I promise.” 

Emma is way too close, her brain shouts at her. If she just leans in a little bit… Her lips tingle. Again, that flutter in her stomach. And the blush that rises up from her neck to her cheeks. Both mistake it for embarrassment, and Regina only nods. “Thank you, Emma,” she says again, now pulling back herself. Clearing her throat, she carefully gets up, feeling exhausted from her emotional outburst; she needs to get away from Emma, as well. She must acquire some physical distance before she does something stupid that will embarrass her even more. Her breath hitches as she tries not to think about what she could’ve done so easily, and she tries to compose herself by clearing her throat. “Maybe we should go to the library.” 

“About that,” Emma smiles, back in sherriff mode, and plants her hands on the ground to push herself up. “After you left, Belle said the stunt you pulled was almost the exact same one as yesterday. You vanished before we could look in the store, and she assumed we had gone to the library. So, after she’d calmed down a bit, she went there as well, but apparently she caught us in a heated argument near Gold’s store and I threw my phone away in anger before you poofed out. She looked for it to give it back to me, but couldn’t find it.” She shrugs. “I haven’t looked for it yet but I guess maybe that’s our next stop, before checking out the library.” She starts to move, but a hand on her arm stops her. She tilts her head to look at Regina’s face, waiting what she has to say.

Regina returns the gaze, brow furrowed. “Don’t you think it is... oddthat we are basically reliving everything? The conversation we had about the author with Henry, the fight I had with Belle, our fall out.” Did she have the same emotional meltdown as she had just now? It makes her feel uncomfortable and immediately, on edge again. 

Emma, however, doesn’t really mind. “Well, maybe. It doesn’t have to be something magical, per se. Maybe we’re just stuck in our own behavior,” she smiles. “It does mean we’re on the right path, right? We’ll figure it out and just… stick together, and see what happens, okay?” She squeezes Regina’s arm. “We’ll figure it out together,” she adds with a small smile. “We always do.”

Regina sighs and nods, and Emma grabs her hand. Regina’s never really noticed how often Emma’s  _ touching _ her but in retrospect, she always has. “It’s going to be okay. I promise,” Emma tells her, squeezing Regina’s fingers. Regina smiles tentatively. She hopes so, but she is glad to have Emma there with her. Warmth spreads from where their fingers touch, through her body, and she carefully releases Emma’s hand. But not before she gives a tiny squeeze back. 

"Let’s go and find your phone,” she says. “And I will... apologize to Belle for falling out to her. Again.”

~*~

After Regina’s regally apologized to Belle - she’s still not really used to apologizing to anyone - the pair sets off to the alley next to Gold’s shop. “It should be here somewhere,” Emma says. “I’ve asked Belle to call my phone, but I think I put it on silent so that’s no use.” Or, she threw it so hard that it’s broken, but Regina keeps that thought to herself.

She peeks over at Emma, who just bent over to look behind a trash container, and can not help but appreciate the view. She almost scowls at herself when she realizes what she is doing and returns to the task at hand. She feels her cheeks glow. What the hell is wrong with her?! She had a meltdown about Robin just moments ago! Shaking her head, she pushes some trash away with her foot, and a disgusted look appears on her face - clearly people need to learn to clean up after themselves, those bins aren’t there for nothing -- and there it is. Emma’s phone. Stuck between a banana peel and some undefined trash.

“Emma, I found it,” she calls out, picking the phone up between her thumb and her index finger. Emma notices the disgusted look on Regina’s face and can’t help but grin. “Not so fond of dumpster diving, are we now, Madam Mayor?” she mocks her a bit. Regina gladly hands over the phone. “No, dear, that is where you usually come in, right?” Fingers brush slightly and Regina pulls her hand back a little too quick. 

Emma’s smile fades, and her brow furrows as she unlocks and studies her phone. “What is it?” Regina asks, curious, while approaching to get a view at the phone’s screen. 23 missed calls, 41 messages awaiting, and most of them are from the same person. Something twitches inside Regina, and she rolls her eyes. “Well,” she huffs, taking a step back, “someone is a bit needy, is he not?” 

She is rewarded with a grumpy look. Regina doesn’t even feel remotely sorry. The pirate is a joke, she scoffs. Emma is way too good for him and she doesn’t even notice. Suddenly feeling cranky and vulnerable, she steps out of the alley. “You should take care of… well, that,” she says while waving impatiently at Emma’s phone. “I’ll go to the library, and I’ll see you there when you’ve… eased his mind.” 

“Regina-” 

Before Emma can continue, Regina flicks her hand and vanishes in a purple cloud.

~*~

Regina reappears in the library, but is too restless, too caught up in her own mind to start searching for whatever they need to find. She bristles upon the thought of Emma and the pirate, and there is a gnawing feeling in her stomach, but she doesn’t understand why the one-handed wonder makes her so agitated. Maybe it’s still the fallout from that time during which he helped Greg and Tamara and was so easily forgiven. Maybe it’s how he’s latched onto Emma since the day they crossed paths. Or the way Emma’s accepted his continuous advances - hell, she should know better. And at the same time, she doesn’t understand why she cares about it at all. Or maybe she has a general idea but isn’t ready to acknowledge exactly what it is, because she’s just had an emotional meltdown and is probably still a little sensitive because of it. 

She doesn’t have much time to pick her thoughts and feelings apart about it because moments later, Emma enters the library. 

“Now that was a little overly dramatic, even for you,” she tells Regina with a frown. The brunette snorts in reply. 

“Is your pet’s mind at ease?” she challenges instead, unable to contain herself and regretting it the moment the words leave her mouth. She sees how Emma’s face changes from disbelief to anger before she puts on a mask of indifference. Guilt washes over Regina - an emotion she barely ever feels. But Emma has been there for her just moments before, and this is how she thanks her? Frankly, she is surprised that the blonde is still here. “I’m sorry,” Regina sighs, “You did not deserve that.” 

“You’ve got that right, ” Emma scoffs.   
  
Regina is not used to apologizing. Emma is the second person today that received her apologies, and it feels surreal. Vulnerable, again. She hates it. So she does what she naturally does: she straightens her back, regains her regal posture by raising her chin and narrowing her eyes.

Emma sees it and sighs. “Regina, you’re picking fights with everyone. You can’t fucking go around and throw insults as you see fit,” she says, exasperated. “Especially not at the ones that actually are on your side. You’re not in the Enchanted forest anymore.”

“In my defense,” Regina snorts, placing her hands firmly on her own hips, looking dignified, “I’m only looking out for you. You are way above his level and you will always be. You know that, I hope?” She sees how Emma’s eyes darken and how she, too, straightens her back before she answers.

“I am capable of making my own choices and I don’t need your opinion,” she snaps at the brunette. “Killian and I are fine.” 

Regina only raises an eyebrow in reply and is unable to stop herself. The mental image of Emma and the pirate makes bile rise to her throat. “ _ Fine _ ? Then tell me,  _ Savior _ , how many times have you thought about the handless wonder since you woke up this morning?” 

Even before she’s finished speaking, Regina remembers that she was apologizing. It wasn’t her intention to antagonize Emma even further, but it is too late. Emma clenches her jaw, tightens the grip around her phone as if she is ready to throw something at Regina, but then snaps her jaws shut, turns around and paces out of the library. “Emma, wai-” Regina tries halfheartedly, but the blonde disappears through the doors.

Regina breathes deeply and feels horrible. She meant what she said -- Emma is  _ way _ too good for Hook - but lashing out the way she did, it wasn’t necessary. Great. Now she feels even worse. Even more guilty. 

Because at the same time, something dawns at her - ever since her own highly embarrassing mental breakdown, she hasn’t really thought about Robin, either. And it unsettles her immensely. He is her soulmate and it is unnerving how soon he moves to the back of her mind. It is… almost unnatural. 

She suppresses the uneasy feeling and will analyze it in detail later, because there are other pressing matters. For a moment, she is unsure of what to do - is she going after Emma, or starting looking in the library? She realizes she will have to do the apology thing again eventually, but then decides it will have to wait. Right now, there is too much going on: the author’s house, clues they have to find because of the lingering nuisance of them losing part of their memories. She should better get to work, she admits to herself with a deep sigh. She plants her hands on her hips and looks around her. Books, apart from those with spells, aren’t really her thing. She usually lets the research to the bookworm, but-

The door swings open, and Belle enters. She eyes Regina suspiciously. “I just saw Emma storming off. Did you insult her as well?” 

Regina closes and opens her eyes, raising a hand to pinch her nose. She’s starting to develop a headache. She wants to sneer out of habit but stops herself just in time. “I- I did,” she answers with a sigh. “It’s like I can’t help myself. It just comes out. I’m usually quite able to contain myself.”

Belle observes the other brunette for a moment. “Maybe you said it all yesterday as well, and it is supposed to help you find out the path leading up to your memory loss. Or maybe it’s a side effect from the magic that erased your and Emma’s memories.” 

“That might be so,” she replied, “but I am getting a little tired of the fact that apparently, I am the one picking every fight and having to apologize every single time. Emma does  _ not  _ seem to experience any of it. The universe,  _ fate _ , is pulling a number on me - again, while I haven’t even recovered from the last time - and it is antagonizing at best.” She runs a helpless hand through her hair, which she instantly regrets, and her hand falls down alongside her body. “I would appreciate it if it would choose another victim any time soon.” She leans against a bookcase with a sigh and folds her arms in front of her chest, while Belle’s mouth pulls into a half-smile. 

“I might start another fight with you now, but what if you’re supposed to break one of those destined fights? You say you’re doing everything again like you did yesterday, but what if you’re not supposed to? Maybe you don’t want the same results, maybe you want different ones instead.”

Regina narrows her eyes. “So what you’re trying to say, is that I should try harder not to lose my temper.” 

Belle shrugs in reply. “Worth a try, right?” 

Regina purses her lips. “The only problem with this is that I don’t know where I went yesterday.” 

“Well,” the woman opposite of her sighs, “you did get into a fight with Hook yesterday.” She smiles tentatively as Regina’s face drops. Another fight. “And I think it was about Emma.” 


	2. In which some progress (on all fronts) is being made

Emma is furious. She storms out of the library and without really knowing where she is going, she paces to the docks. Regina knows precisely where to hit her the hardest, and she is relentless. “So much for helping a friend, right?” she growls. “She’s a fucking pain in the ass!” She knows Regina and Hook don’t get along. She also knows why. But fuck her. Emma’s relationships are none of her business to begin with. 

Her anger towards Regina makes her temporarily forget what started the fight as her mind searches for answers. Why can’t Regina and Hook ever get along? Even before Killian helped out Greg and Tamara, there had been a tension between the Evil Queen and Captain Hook. Because it’s not one-sided -- Killian is just as relentless while talking about Regina. It gives Emma a headache. 

_ What does it matter? _

A soft voice whispers in her head, and she snorts. It shouldn’t matter. And at the same time, it does. Because nastiness aside, Regina’s right: she hasn’t thought about Killian until his name popped up on the screen of her phone. And when Regina disappeared, Emma didn’t take the time to call him back but went to the library to basically demand an apology from Regina. 

And it wasn’t because she insulted Killian, Emma realizes uncomfortably. Regina always seems to lower her expectations of Emma, whenever she speaks of her and Killian in the same sentence. As if she’s somewhat… disappointed. 

Emma just never wants to disappoint Regina. 

_ And why is that? _

The stupid voice needs to shut the hell up. 

Long before Emma realizes where she is heading to, she sees the masts of the Jolly Roger in front of her, and suddenly she hesitates. Her phone buzzes again but this time, when she inspects the screen, she doesn’t see Killian’s name pop up, but Regina’s. Her stomach jumps up somersaults, and Emma notices her physical response. She bites her lip because at the same time, she’s still angry and really doesn’t want to talk to her right now. Resolutely, she presses the call away and boards the ship. “Killian? Are you here?” 

“Where’ve you been, love? I was about to organize a search party!” He emerges out of his quarters below deck and pushes himself up the deck. 

“I lost my phone,” Emma answers, holding it up, “and I found it again.” And then, they stand opposite each other. Emma feels awkward. Not just because what has happened today but the last memory she had with Killian was him kissing her after she gave him the heart back that Gold had taken. And honestly, she had kissed him back but didn’t really know how she actually felt about it. 

Maybe that’s why she snapped at Regina the way she did. 

But Killian had been there for her, had wanted her and the feeling that gave her, Emma hadn’t felt for a long time. Since Neal, actually. Because even her parents couldn’t make her feel wanted after they gave her up in the first place, for whatever reason. And as soon as she was back, they had another child. So excuse her for having the feeling of being replaced that easily.

_ Even Regina moved on after Pan’s curse. She found Robin. _

If the fucking voice doesn’t stop really soon, Emma’s going to drown it with a lot of alcohol. She grits her teeth and smiles a tense smile when she lifts her head to meet Killian’s eyes.

“What’s with the texts and calls? A bit overkill, don’t you think?”

The relief she’d seen on his face changes into concern. “I wanted to know if you were okay after you left yesterday. You were upset- actually, you were freaking out like I’d never seen before, and I was checking if you were okay.” 

Emma’s lips curve into a small smile, and she opens her mouth to clarify her whereabouts, but Hook continues. “And afterwards the Queen came looking for you.” 

Emma’s jaws snap shut in surprise. “She did?” She shouldn’t be feeling the contentedness and warmth spreading in her belly. Her smile gets a little more genuine.

A muscle tightens in Hook’s jaw, revealing his irritation upon the way she reacts. “I’m not sure what’s going on, but she’s toxic, love,” he says, brow furrowing. ”I know you mean well and want to help, but be careful. Some people can’t be saved.”

Funny how she can go from almost giddy to irritated. Why does he suddenly feel entitled to say what a savior can or cannot do? “Both Regina and I have lost our memories of the past day, ever since we were at Granny’s. I have no idea why I was upset or why she came looking for me, and I definitely don’t need someone telling me what to do right now,” she stiffly says.

Hook’s eyes narrow. “Memory loss? I don’t know a lot of magic users in this town but  _ that witch _ -” 

“It’s not her,” Emma interrupts, running a hand through her blonde manes. “I always know when Regina’s lying, and she’s not. She didn’t do this. We’re trying to find out who did.”

“Even if that might be so, you were upset with her yesterday. You called her impossible, a pain in the ass, a-” 

“Okay! Start with the beginning.” Emma raises her hands. Her words of the previous day do resemble what she was thinking exactly when she left the library.

“All right. You came here very angry with her and needed to vent. Something about you understanding where she came from - but who ever does - but that she was impossible to work with. And,” he pauses briefly, “you were worried that she might do something we would all regret because her being the Evil Queen and all.” He doesn’t notice the way Emma flinches since he’s turned towards the town to make a mocking gesture. “She’s made everyone forget before. So pardon me for thinking her to be the cause of your memory loss. Why just you two, love? If anyone would want to mess with us, why not curse us all? It’s twisted, innit?” 

“I don’t know,” Emma sighs. The irritation is getting the best of her again. 

“Besides, you say she didn’t do it, and you believe her, but if her memory’s gone too, who’s to say that she didn’t do it? She wouldn't have any memories of casting a curse now, would she? Can’t lie about it either then, love.” 

The thought has popped up in Emma’s head as well, but she’s dismissed it immediately. If there was something that Regina wanted them to forget, she would sure as hell have made sure that the two of them didn’t end up in the same bed, but that is something she will never tell Killian.

Her phone vibrates again. A quick glance, and she snorts in exasperation. She turns the phone off, but not before Hook sees Regina’s name and picture in the display. “What does she want now?”

“I don’t  _ know _ ,” Emma snaps, “because I just turned my phone off and didn't answer.” She tries to get her calmth back. “What was her beef with you about?” 

Hook smirks, not in the least offended. “Nothing I haven’t heard from her. She should make up some new insults for me. Captain Guyliner? One-Handed Wonder? They’re getting a bit old. I’d expected more from an Evil Queen of her posture. Maybe she  _ is _ getting soft.” There is something in his voice that seems a bit off, and she narrows her eyes while studying his face. 

“Are you  _ sure  _ that is all?” she asks, leaning back a little. He stares back, deadpanned. 

This is pointless, she isn’t getting anywhere. He’s not going to tell her anything he doesn’t want to share. “Do you by any chance know where I went after I left?” she instead asks, and he shrugs. 

“No idea, love.” 

Emma feels the tingle in her body - magic - before she sees it, and she jerks her head around even before the first whiff of purple smoke is visible. She feels a new tension in Killian as well. Regina closes the small distance between them. 

“Can’t you--” she starts at Emma but snaps her jaws shut when she notices Killian behind Emma, and purses her lips. “Nevermind.” 

Emma feels her own frustration flare up again, but Regina turns her attention to Hook now, who says, “Ah, look who’s here. Your Majesty.” He mockingly bows his head, but a muscle in his jaw tenses up once more. Both women notice, and Regina snorts: “Relax. I’m trying not to fight with you, which I apparently did, yesterday.”

She doesn’t apologize - she will never  _ ever _ apologize to Hook, and they all know it - and Emma realizes Regina is trying her best to keep herself from insulting the man. 

“He doesn’t know where we went after,” Emma says instead.

“Oy, love, I said I didn’t know where you went. I know where  _ she _ went.” 

Both women look at him in surprise. Hook smirks. “You went to find Pinocchio.” 

Emma eyes him suspiciously. “If all you did was fight, how do you know?”

He shrugs again. “If that’s all… I have business to attend.” He winks at Emma.

Regina snorts but keeps herself from saying anything. It does grant her a glare from both Emma and Hook. 

“I’ll be on my way, then,” she huffs, but before she can magically teleport out, Emma grabs her wrist. 

“Wait.”

Regina raises her eyebrows, slightly surprised. The touch leaves Emma a bit breathless, and her gaze shifts from her fingers around Regina’s wrists to the dark eyes. 

“I’ll go with you. August is my friend.” 

Regina narrows her eyes. “Want to make sure I don’t insult anyone else, Miss Swan?” she snarks.

Emma rolls her eyes. “No. But we’re in this together. Even if you are being an asshole. Let’s do this together. I don’t want to argue with you.” 

“Well, none of us do, but here we are,” Hook interferes, seemingly amused, but Emma knows the glance in his eyes. He never likes it when Emma goes off with Regina.

It has never stopped her from following the brunette anyway. 

“Let’s go, Regina,” Emma says, and Regina’s eyes flick to carefully watch Emma’s face for a little while, searching for -- she doesn’t really know. Something. But after a few seconds, she nods, flicks her wrist, and they both disappear.

~*~

“Emma. Regina.” August appears to be a little surprised that they show up. “What can I do for you today?” 

Quickly, Emma fills him in on the short history while Regina hangs a little back. She has no clue why she would ever come to this place. She doesn’t even know Pinocchio that well. At least it’s someone she didn’t actively curse. 

When Emma wraps up talking about their memory loss, August looks up, and Regina feels her back tense.

“You came here wanting to know how I altered my own story,” he tells her, and the look in his eyes is sympathetic. “You showed me… a page, of what could have been.” 

Regina freezes. She must’ve been desperate at this point yesterday if she had sought out the puppet to ask about the alternative page of her and Robin’s story. She can feel Emma’s eyes on her as well, but she refused to look her in the eye.

“And?” she scowls.

“And I told you… I just added my own story. I didn’t alter anything. So even if I were to replace a page in the storybook, it doesn’t mean history will be altered.” He looks at her and shrugs, apologetically. “But I had a look at it, and it did look genuine. As if the author did write it as a possibility.”

“Maybe everything leads back to the author,” Emma says, but Regina shakes her head almost violently. 

“No. The author’s not the reason we don’t have any recollections of our past day,” Regina scoffs. “Priorities, Miss Swan.”

Emma clenches her teeth. She is not going to take the bait again. They haven’t even talked about their last fight. August feels the tension and raises his hands, drawing the attention to himself again. “After our conversation,” he quickly continues, not wanting to be in the middle of whatever this is, “you said you needed time to think. You thanked me and walked away.”

Regina looks up. She is surprised. “We… didn’t fight?”

August shakes his head. “No. Should we have?” He looks a little wary.

“Apparently not,” Regina answers, relieved, and she grants him an appreciative smile. “Do you know where I went after I visited you?”   


Again, the apologetic gaze. “I’m sorry, you didn't say.”

“All right,” Regina nods. “Thank you for your time.” 

“You’re welcome, I guess,” August says. “Though I don’t have the feeling I was of a lot of use.” 

“Maybe not, but at least we have new information,” Emma adds. “Thanks.” 

They say their goodbyes and walk away from the cabin in the woods where August resides these days. 

They walk quietly, not really knowing what to say. The air is heavy with their silence and unspoken apologies until Regina concedes. “Emma, I am sorry. You did not deserve…. well, me, I suppose.”

“No, I didn’t,” Emma answers shortly. It still stings.

Regina lifts a corner of her mouth. “You’re not going to make this easy on me, right?”

“No.” Emma narrows her eyes and tilts her head a little. “Tell me what you have against Killian.”

The question surprises the brunette, and she starts walking again. Emma follows quietly while Regina mulls over the question. “He is an insipid moron, to begin with,” she starts after a long pause. “And it is a lot of things. But mainly because his massive hand in my torture before the second curse, and the way your…  _ hero clan  _ so easily forgave him for it afterwards.” Emma hears the bitterness in her voice, and her heart squeezes. Regina looks like she wants to say something else, but clenches her teeth together instead.

It gives Emma some time to think about her words. And about Killian’s earlier remark of Regina being toxic. 

_ Some people can’t be saved _ .

It sends a shiver down her spine. Regina is right. They  _ had  _ easily forgiven Hook for his part in Greg and Tamara’s near-destruction of Storybrooke - of  _ Regina _ . And Regina, who’d tried so hard, over and over again and who faced setbacks, over and over again -- she wasn’t given that same chance.

She remembers how Cora set Regina up for Archie’s murder. She remembers how she believed Regina was innocent, up until she was forced not to anymore and even  _ then _ , there was still a part that knew the truth. She just chose not to listen to it. She feels her insides twist with guilt.

“I’m sorry, too,” Emma quietly says.

Regina looks up, surprised. “Why are you sorry? I am the one who-” 

“I’m sorry for a lot of things,” Emma quickly says, offering her a small smile. “But mainly for not believing you when I should have. You know, when everyone including me thought you’d murdered Archie -- I  _ knew _ it wasn’t you. And then we saw Pongo’s memories...” her voice dies out, and Regina sighs.

“Well. My mother is - was - a very talented witch.” She carefully eyes the blonde. 

“Even so,” Emma says, “if it hadn’t happened, our lives might’ve taken a different turn. More trust, less fighting. I…” Emma cut herself off. Breathes deep and continues.

“If I had believed you, maybe Pan wouldn’t have cast his curse and I wouldn’t have left for New York with all of your memories and you wouldn’t have spent a year in the Enchanted Forest and you... I…” she stops again, biting the inside of her cheek. She feels flushed.

Regina doesn’t know where to look. She tenses up, and Emma notices. The blonde sighs. Then, she smiles carefully. “The entire written storybook might’ve been different.” 

It feels like a confession of sorts. Like it’s something big. Special. For a moment, Regina halts in surprise, breath caught in her throat, and Emma feels how her heart skips a beat when she sees the investigating eyes of the brunette. As if Regina’s searching for answers. It makes her start walking again, not looking back to see if Regina is following.

Regina does follow her. “Maybe,” she eventually says, quietly, slowly trailing behind Emma. “But I guess we’ll never know.”

~*~

The next hour they don’t find out anything, and Regina feels awkward after Emma’s apology. There is an uneasiness between them that wasn’t there before. It is one of the reasons why, after visiting Granny’s for a much needed coffee, Regina declares that she needs a little time for herself.

She noticed that Emma had let her go reluctantly. Maybe because of her mental breakdown from earlier that day, so Regina assured the blonde that she wouldn’t set anything on fire. In fact, Regina muses again, Robin hasn’t been on her mind since the last time she thought about him. After her fight with Emma. Her thoughts are now occupied with someone else - and she left that someone else conveniently behind at the diner. 

She takes a walk and it doesn’t really surprise her that she ends up at the bench that she had wanted to set on fire a few hours ago. But she feels… different. Less angry. Actually, not angry at all -- she is  _ indifferent _ . And it worries her. What does that mean? Why doesn’t it hurt as much as it did a few hours earlier? 

_ What the hell is wrong with her? _

She’s lost her soulmate and she went from being heartbroken to bordering on indifference within a day. It is not normal. There  _ has  _ to be an explanation.

“Hey. Is this seat taken?”

The voice startles her but upon seeing Tink next to her, she makes a gesture for the fairy to sit down. 

“How are you doing, Regina?”

The brunette snorts. Tink is not one for tact, but Regina’s always liked the straightforwardness. “I… don’t know, actually.” She frowns.

Tink smiles. “It’s okay to feel sad. Heartbroken. Angry.”

“I know, and I know I should, losing my soulmate. And I  _ did _ , a few hours ago. And now I feel…” She doesn’t really know what she feels.

“Empty?”

“Yes,” Regina breathed. Empty is the right word. And she doesn’t understand. “But why? Shouldn’t it hurt more,  _ longer _ when you lose your soulmate?” She looks at Tink as if she has all the answers. 

Tink shifts uncomfortably. “Well, I’m no  _ expert…” _

Regina snorts. “You were the one that put me on Robin’s path in the first place.”

“I was young, ambitious and incredibly naive,” Tink smirks. “I thought I knew it all and I wanted to show Blue that I could be a fairy godmother, but I was so wrong.”

Tink bites her lip, and it makes Regina wonder about what she has learned in the meantime. And the unsettled feeling from before creeps back inside her. She eyes the fairy skeptically. 

“You were so wrong -  _ How _ ?”

“I showed you your soulmate, but don’t hate me for this…. I recently learned that soulmates and true loves aren’t the same. They  _ can _ be,” the fairy hastens to add, “but often, they’re not the same.”   
  
Now, Regina narrows her eyes. She has always believed that soulmates were destined to be together. “What are you saying, Tink?” Regina says, voice low now. It makes Tink shift nervously even more.

“Well, I  _ am _ saying that I need to apologize for rubbing it into your face, demanding you to believe that you were destined to be together because… maybe you weren’t?” It sounds like a question, and Tink abruptly jumps up to swiftly take a few steps away from the bench, not wanting to be too close to Regina when the brunette explodes in anger. And she is not wrong to do so: Regina bristles, because she  _ is _ angry _.  _ Very much so.

“Okay, so, I’m sorry,” Tink continues, sheepishly but wary. “But let me explain. Soulmates, I learned later, understand each other on such a level that they connect really well. You probably felt that you’d known each other forever when you first met. You… intuitively understand each other because you connect at an emotional level. Perfect, right? But I later learned that a soulmate doesn’t necessarily have to be a…. well, romantic connection.”

“Tink-”   
  
The fairy quickly moves on. “He might’ve been your soulmate and put you into the right direction because that’s what soulmates do, they come on your path to guide you a step into your full potential and he might’ve been your lover but it doesn’t  _ mean _ that he’s your true love,” Tink bursts out, taking another couple of steps away from Regina in the process.

Regina’s mind races. “So… what you’re basically saying is that I lived a lie?” she darkly says.   
  
Tink shook her head violently. “No! No, I’m not. It doesn’t mean that you never loved him. It just wasn’t… True Love. What you had with Robin was real, but maybe it wasn’t meant to last a lifetime.” 

“Then what is?” Regina exclaims, exasperated. “A life of pain and misery because of all the things I did wrong in my life? Never… just peace and an easy life without monsters and villains and maybe,  _ maybe _ a happy ending?” She sounds pained, defeated, and she longs for at least something that goes  _ right.  _ She deflates on the bench. 

“You know what I hate most?” Regina continues bitterly. “The fact that I’m trying, and trying, and that it’s no use but I have to because the other option is giving back into the darkness. I already slipped when I put Sidney back into the mirror, and it  _ scared _ me how easy it was. And how natural it felt.”

There is a silence between them that lingers for a few moments before Tink quietly says: “If you let me, I can help-” 

“No, thank you,” Regina snaps. “You’ve done enough.” She feels betrayed, hurt and sad. Not the sadness and grief that she’s felt earlier that day over Robin, but sadness that her life has again been directed by forces outside of her control. “I’ll fix this myself, because apparently, I’m the only one I can rely on.”

“That’s not true,” Tink protests, but Regina stands up, wanting to get away from another person and her betrayal.

“I have to go.” 

And with those words, she teleports herself out of the park, leaving a remorseful Tink behind.

~*~

Regina reappears in her vault - the only place she can truly be alone with her own thoughts. But when she arrives, she immediately notices the mess. Ingredients are missing -- no, used. 

She realizes she’s been here in the missing hours, too. And from the way she left things, she was an emotional mess. Regina is always meticulous in cleaning up after herself, except when she’s not in her right mind. Vials are scattered, ingredients have been moved around and not put back on their usual shelves. Apparently, her rush to create something in the forgotten hours. 

The question is: what did she create?

She starts to backtrack the ingredients she’s left, but it puzzles her. There are ingredients she would  _ never _ mix together, but separately, at least a couple of ingredients could be used in a forgetting potion.

It does make sense, she realises. Maybe she really did want to forget Robin? If she was really desperate enough, and if she’s truly honest to herself, she can imagine how she would create one - and take one.

But if that is what has happened, then something went wrong, because instead of forgetting Robin, she’s lost an entire day. Something backfired, but what it was she doesn’t know. And she is  _ sure _ she wouldn’t mess up a forgetting potion, because she has created plenty of those. She can brew them with her eyes closed, and they have  _ never  _ backfired.

Another thing that doesn’t line up to the story is that Emma, too, has suffered from memory loss. If Regina had created a potion, she wouldn’t have wanted Emma to take it. Not if she intended on using it on herself.

She sighs impatiently while separating the other ingredients from the ones she normally uses for the forgetting potions. There’s still a couple ingredients left that she cannot place immediately, so that means she must have made a second potion.

Regina takes out her spellbooks to see if she can find the spell that requires these exact ingredients, but after putting aside the third book, she sighs in exasperation. Nothing. There must be something missing. Something critical. One missing ingredient will probably tell her what she wants to know --  _ what is it that she’s created? _

“You’re a hard woman to track down when you disappear.” Regina nearly jumps, startled, only to find Emma with a lopsided grin watching her in amusement.

Regina snorts while her adrenaline levels go back to normal. “Good thing you were a bail bondsperson once, then.”

“Yeah. I ran into Tink,” she continues more seriously, “and Tink thought you might want… company.” 

The stupid imp, of course, has to meddle with her life, again, Regina thinks, and she narrows her eyes. She feels the frustration rise in her chest again. But before she can tell Emma to go away, the blonde tilts her head and moves a few steps closer. Now, other feelings surface, the air becomes a little thicker, and Regina feels uncomfortable. She finds it harder to breathe normally.

“What’re you doing?” 

“Retracing yesterday’s steps.” At least this is a safe subject. When she looks at Emma, she is surprised to see that Emma is not entirely at ease, either. When their eyes meet, Regina’s hit by the insecurity in Emma’s gaze. Regina swallows a lump in her throat away before biting her lower lip. Then, she straightens her back and returns to the subject at hand. “I-I… noticed that apparently, yesterday I’ve been here as well. And I want to figure out what exactly I’ve been doing here.” 

Emma frowns. “What did you find?”

The brunette sighs. “I found all of the ingredients of a forgetting potion.” 

Emma’s brow furrows immediately. “You created a forgetting potion? For what?” At the same time she asks, she realizes that Regina probably doesn’t remember. She smirks apologetically, averting her eyes. 

A silence falls between them, and the air thickens even more. Heavy with unspoken words, weighing on both their shoulders. 

The blonde’s eyes dart over the interior. “I remember us being here the last time. Or well, before yesterday, anyway,” she smiles carefully.

Regina remembers it too. It was when Emma, after screwing up Regina’s life, offered her friendship, and Regina rolled her eyes, saying that she didn’t actually  _ hate _ Emma. 

In fact, she’s never hated Emma. She felt threatened by her, on several occasions, but for some reason, she’s never really despised the blonde.

“Yes. Well,” Regina softly says, focusing her attention back to the table in front of her and not really wanting to relive the memory. “While you are here, you can help me find the missing potion.” She makes a gesture for Emma to join her at the table and of course, only realizes her mistake once Emma steps into her personal space. 

Emma feels it too. She looks on edge while her eyes shift over the table where the remnants of the ingredients are fanned out. “Hey, what’s this?” Reaching over the table, the blonde grabs a small vial in the shape of a dolphin, and Regina’s eyebrows arch. 

“That’s… I don’t recognize it.” Then, she frowns. “It’s not mine.” 

“No, I know. I’ve seen it before,” Emma returns the frown when realization dawns. 

“Where?” Regina urges. Emma’s frown only grows deeper.

“On the Jolly Roger. In Hook’s quarters.” 

~*~

They teleport back to Hook’s ship immediately, and Emma sees how Regina’s almost bristling. Either Hook has been so stupid to go to Regina’s vault - but she can’t think of a reason why he ever would - or someone’s taken the dolphin-shaped vial to Regina. Or maybe, Emma thinks, Hook willingly gave the vial because he doesn’t seem surprised at all when they return so suddenly.

“Love. Not so love,” he nods at them both, falling back into a lazy smile. Emma quietly touches Regina’s shoulder. The last thing they need is Regina exploding if they want answers. The brunette’s eyes flicker to Emma briefly, and there’s a quiet understanding, so Regina grits her teeth and lets Emma do the talking. 

“We found this in Regina’s vault,” Emma tells him without introduction, holding up the vial. “I know it was in your captain’s quarter and we’re trying to find out how it moved from here to there. Do you know anything about that?” 

“Aye, sure. She asked for it, and we traded,” Killian’s eyes rest on Regina for a little while. 

Regina blinks. “I’d never trade with you,” she sputters.

“Oh, but you did. Takes a desperate queen to trade with a one-handed pirate, does it not?” he smirks at her, and she snorts, and Emma quickly interferes.

“Then what is it?” 

“A dolphin’s tear.” 

Emma frowns at him. “A dolphin’s tear?” Now it’s her turn to snort. “Do they even cry?” 

“Aye, love. But them being in the water and all, they’re pretty rare to find. I happened to trade one in the Enchanted Forest. Took it here. It’s pretty valuable and you know, me being a pirate, I appreciate rare beauties…” He makes a wide gesture with his hand and hook.

Emma turns her head towards Regina. “Do you know-” She abruptly stops when she sees Regina’s face, which has suddenly grown very pale. Yes, Regina knows. 

“What’d you trade it for?” she asks Killian instead, but he shrugs. “A spell.”

“Must’ve been some spell, if that dolphin’s tear is so super rare, then,” Emma says sceptically, and he sighs.

“It is, in fact. It’s a spell to reattach my hand. Again. I wanted it to be a surprise for you, love. Now the Crocodile’s gone, I can go back to Belle and reclaim what’s mine.” He points his hook at Regina. “And then, she helps me attach it. After that…” He smiles widely, wiggling his eyebrows at her, and she takes a step back, frowning. She doesn’t want to know what comes after that, after what happened the last time he got his hand back.

“I need to go,” Regina murmurs. Emma blindly reaches for her friend and sees how Killian’s face drops instantly. She ignores it. 

“I’ll go with you.” 

“Emma, you don’t have to.” The pirate’s intentions haven’t gone unnoticed and even though Regina feels revulsed, she doesn’t want to keep Emma from whatever it is she's pursuing with him.

“I know. I’m still coming with you.” Emma challenges Regina to refuse with her eyes, and they hold each others’ gaze for a little while before Regina curtly nods. Without saying goodbye, the purple smoke surrounds them to bring them to the mansion.


	3. In which all pieces of the puzzle come together

Regina’s upset. She’s almost radiating it. And Emma desperately wants to fix it, wants to help. 

“What’s the dolphin’s tear for?” she blurts out. “I know you know.” 

Regina sinks down on her sofa in the den. She’s still looking quite pale, and Emma is worried for her. Still, she keeps her distance, leaning against a table nearby. 

“It’s for a potion,” Regina grimaces. 

“Well, yeah, I figured as much.” Emma suppresses the urge to roll her eyes. “What does it do?” 

The brunette is silent for a few seconds. “It quells the feelings of love,” she eventually says. “It makes you feel… indifferent.” And Emma is stunned.

“You made a potion to forget Robin?” she asks, and it comes out sharper than she intended. It makes Regina narrow her eyes.

“No, dear. It would not make me forget  _ him _ … it would just erase my  _ love _ for him. Apparently, I thought it was a good idea. And what’s  _ worse _ ,” she sighs, deflating a little bit, “I can definitely imagine myself creating something like that to help with the pain. To help make it easier.” She makes a helpless gesture with her hand. 

Emma needs a moment to work through that information. “Tell me about the potion.” 

“There’s not much to tell,” Regina says. “The dolphin’s tear basically… absorbs the pain and grief you feel. And it leaves your body through… intense emotions. I believe it can be either crying, or… well, anger, I guess. After a few times… the love is nothing but a memory.” 

They’re both thinking about Regina’s mental breakdown earlier that day. The fights she had with Belle, and Emma, and not to mention, the fights she apparently got into the day before.

Emma clears her throat. “Did it work?”

“I… yes, I believe so,” the brunette answers honestly. “This is what I know about it without looking anything up. It probably wouldn’t work on True Love, so I guess… he wasn’t it. Because the potion worked… quite well.” 

“Can… can the feelings come back?” Emma’s a bit reserved this time, and Regina snorts. 

“Why, are you afraid if he comes back, it will start all over? I don’t know, Emma, this is what I know about it without going through my spellbook,” she says again.

They both let that sink in for a bit, and Regina sighs. “So I guess, he wasn’t really my True Love,” she concludes.    
  
Emma’s heart aches for her but she feels relieved at the same time - and a little guilty because of it -, and she takes a few steps closer before sinking through her knees in front of Regina. 

“Hey,” she says, grabbing Regina’s hands, “The fact that he wasn’t your True Love doesn’t mean you loved him any less, right? From what I know, it's supposed to be super rare. True Love isn’t for anyone.” 

Regina snorts. “Especially not for villains.” There’s a hint of self-loathing in her voice and Emma always hates it.

“Don’t say that,” she fiercely argues, “You’re not a villain. You haven’t been for a long time.” 

“Tell that to the author, dear.” 

“Well, he can’t influence everything. I promised I’d help you find your happy ending. If Robin’s not it, then we’ll just have to look elsewhere,” Emma sounds confident and squeezes Regina’s hands while looking up at her. Regina frowns a bit, meeting her gaze. Her eyes turn thoughtful for a moment before she averts her eyes.

“You know, I told Tink this afternoon that I’m tired of everyone interfering with my course of life, that my life has always been coaxed into a direction outside of my control. And that I’m the only one I can rely on.” 

“That’s not-” Emma starts to protest, but Regina interjects. 

“I know, Emma. I wanted to say… I was wrong. At least about the latter part.”

Emma’s jaw snaps shut.

“Apart from you bringing back Marian- ah ah,” Regina adds, seeing how Emma wants to respond again and silencing her before she says anything. “ _ Apart from that _ , I think you’ve been the only one who’s been here for me. I don’t know why because I’ve tried my best to drive you away.” She raises her eyebrows with a hint of amusement, and Emma smirks. “Maybe you’re too stubborn, an idiot, or just not easily scared away or you like being told off. Because, well, I haven’t been the easiest one to have around.”

Emma smiles at that. “Well, no, you haven’t, but I’m probably checking all of the boxes above. I genuinely want to help you. You… just have to tell me what you need.” 

“You.” 

“Uhh… what?” Emma’s face flushes, and she loosens the grip on Regina’s hands. 

“Well, that maybe came out a little…” Regina doesn’t finish her sentence but chuckles nervously, cheeks a little pink as well while she leans back. “I meant that you've always…  _ stayed.  _ And that if anyone’s going to find out what happened, it’s me and you.”

Emma’s shoulders relax just a little, but there’s a tension between them now that’s hard to ignore. Unwillingly, she thinks about waking up this morning. Arm around Regina’s waist. How soft she felt. And how good they fit together. She tries to suppress a shiver. Pity, because it is a pleasant one.

“Yeah,” she finally says, but it comes out hoarse, and she clears her throat before letting go of Regina’s hands completely and standing up from her crouched position. “We’ll fix it together.” 

She suddenly needs a little bit of a distance between them before she impulsively does something she might regret - well, maybe she won't regret it but Regina might - and says lightly, "But first, we need a drink."

Regina seems relieved with the change of subject as well and flashes a small smile. "Help yourself to the best cider you've ever tasted, dear," she smirks, and they both remember the very first conversation they ever had after Emma bringing Henry back all those years ago.

"Uhm, maybe you shouldn't."

They both turn in surprise, finding their son behind them. He looks guilty and embarrassed.

"Henry?" Regina asks, surprised. Then, her brow furrows. "Why not?"

"Well, I wanted to help and you were so sad and the author…" Henry stops and shuffles uncomfortably. Regina folds her arms and stands up. 

"Spill it, kid," Emma says, now frowning as well. She stands next to Regina, bottle in her hands. "What'd you do with the cider?"

Henry reaches for his back pocket and reveals a page. It looks like a page from the author’s book, and he steps forward to put it into Emma’s outstretched hand. Then, he takes a step back as Emma unfolds the page. “I thought it was a sign, something that I had to do,” Henry mutters, scratching the back of his neck. “I found it yesterday after we’d visited the mansion.” 

Emma looks at the page and tilts it a little so that Regina can see it as well. In the image, she sees Henry brewing a potion. Below, it reads: “Henry wanted to help his mother with her grief and created a potion to make her life easier.” 

He looks guilty when both women snap their heads towards him. “I thought it was a clue, you know, for Operation Mongoose. That this was supposed to help you, mom. So I went to your vault yesterday after you left there and I looked in the spellbook and the forgetting potion didn’t seem so hard and I thought it would help, but… I kinda heard from Belle and Tink what happened so I think I didn’t help at all.” He looks unhappy.

“Henry,” Regina says, then frowns. “You wanted me to forget?”

“Well, forget the grief. And I kinda heard what you guys were talking about. I was up in my room. About the dolphin’s tear? I think I wanted to do the same but then with another potion? But I messed up and I’m sorry.” 

“Oh, Henry,” Regina sighs as she steps forward, pulling him into her arms. “The vault is dangerous, no place for a kid. What if something happened? What if you took the wrong ingredients?”

“Not smart, kid,” Emma agreed, and Henry’s shoulders dropped even lower. “I guess that’s no Playstation for at least a month. And - but wait. Why am  _ I _ affected by this backfired forgetting potion?” 

“Uhm,” Henry says softly, “I kinda put it into the cider because mom drinks it often but yesterday you were both drinking from it when I got home. I hoped it would turn out for the best because you didn’t  _ have  _ to forget anything but I think I messed up an ingredient because you both forgot an entire day.” 

“You could have-” 

“But nothing bad happened,” Emma intervenes, cutting Regina off. “That was really stupid of you, kid. Especially you should know that you can’t meddle with magic. Especially not with your mom’s. That’s dangerous stuff.” 

“I know. And I’m really sorry.” His head hangs even lower. “Especially after last night, I thought I did something good. But after today… I’m not sure. I heard that you had a fight.” He raises his head to see them both. “I hate it when you fight. You didn’t yesterday. Now… I kinda wish you remembered.” 

Highly surprised, the women look at each other and there’s a long pause, both afraid to ask the next question.

“What do we have to remember, Henry?” Regina then asks softly. 

He looks from the one to the other, unsure what to say. “Well...“

“Spill it, kid,” Emma urges.

“You had to  _ cry _ , mom, when you were home… so hard, and it almost physically hurt me to hear it and I was going to come to you, but Emma was already there, and…” 

Emma’s eyes flick to Regina for a moment, and she sees how flustered the brunette looks. Emma flashes her an apologetic smile. “...and?”

“And you comforted her,” Henry says, but Emma's lie detector pings and she can see that it’s not all he saw. “But… I don’t know… you got along and these past few weeks you didn’t and I liked that you got along. You’re both my moms and I hate it when you fight.” The last words sound almost like an accusation, and Emma sees how Regina slightly flinches. “And I wish you could remember the good stuff, you know? You’re right, ma. I was stupid. And I should’ve told you this morning, right away, but I think I hoped it worked. I’m really sorry about the mess I made.”

“Oh, my sweet prince,” Regina murmurs while pulling him in a tight hug. “It was not entirely your mess. I made one, too. And we’ll just have to own up to our mistakes, all right?” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“So… Emma’s right. No Playstation for a month.” 

Henry groans, and Regina smiles in his hair. No matter how tall he’s getting, he’s still her little boy. And right now, she’s going to walk him up to his room to put him in bed. Emma nods and offers to wait. There’s things they need to talk about.

When Henry changes in his bathroom, Regina sinks on the bed, thinking about Henry’s words. Apparently, the potion to forget Robin had worked tremendously well, if even Henry had almost physically felt the sorrow that had left her body last night. And then, today, it happened again. Some dolphin’s tear, she wryly thinks.

She looks up when Henry comes into his bedroom and smiles at him, but her smile turns into a frown when he quietly sits next to her. “Henry? What’s wrong?”    
  
“I… I didn’t tell you everything about what happened, mom,” Henry quietly says. He seems a little flustered.

“ _ More _ magic?” Regina is startled, but Henry is quick to reassure her.

“No, mom, I promise! No, I mean, what I heard and saw when you… well, cried, I guess.” 

Regina’s not sure that she really wants to know the answer to her question, “What, then?”

Henry straightens his shoulders and looks up to his mom. “You cried, and Emma comforted you and then… well... you  _ kissed  _ her.” 

Of all the things he could have told her, this was not one she had expected. “I… what? I don’t… I’d never...” Regina stutters through her sentences until Henry cuts her off.

“Well, you did. And ma, she didn’t… I guess she was surprised and she kissed you back and after that I went away because… “ His cheeks are flushed. “Well, it’s not polite. And I was just going to leave the cider and go back to gramps and grandma. But it got me thinking, you know, how nice it would be if you and her were together.” 

Regina is too stunned to coherently respond and promises him to talk more about the matter in the morning before wishing him a good night. After closing his door, she leans against it, slowly breathing in and out. Surely it would be easy to write everything off to raging emotions, but if she’s completely honest with herself, it’s not just the spur of the moment. There’s… moments she’s always tried very hard to ignore because of various reasons. 

But kissing is nowhere on the list of things to ignore. She breathes out slowly and wonders what Emma will think of what Henry said. She’ll find out sooner than later, she figures, because while she’s descending the staircase, Emma emerges from the den and frowns at the expression on her face, worried.

“Regina? What’s wrong?”

“Henry…” Regina says, and she can’t say it here, not in the hallway when their son isn’t sleeping yet, so she grabs Emma’s arm and drags her to the kitchen. Emma lets her, while her frown grows deeper. Regina only drops Emma’s arm when they reach the kitchen island. And even then, she finds it hard to meet Emma’s eyes. Bracing herself, she breathes in, eyes drifting to Emma’s mouth. Her lips tingle. As if they remember something her mind can't yet.

“H-he said we kissed. Last night.” She feels how her cheeks redden upon saying it, and Emma’s eyes flick through the room anxiously before resting on Regina. She’s silent for a while, and then, she sighs deeply. Emma sounds almost… resigned, Regina thinks. 

“I’m not surprised.” 

For two seconds, Regina thinks she mishears. Because she most definitely does. Double, now. Because why isn’t she? “Why not? Because I sure as hell am.” It comes out a little sharper than Regina intended.

Emma is silent for a few seconds, as if she is waiting for Regina to come to an understanding, but when that doesn’t happen, she smiles a wry smile. “Really? The orphan with the trust and abandonment issues needs to spell it out for you?”

Regina looks at her, warily. “I guess you’ll have to.” 

Emma shakes her head, exasperated.“Regina,” she sighs, sounding a little impatient, “don’t you feel it? There’s always been this… I don’t know, connection, between us? Some kind of pull, electricity, tension, whatever you want to call it.” Emma holds Regina’s gaze. “You know I’m right.”

Emma’s right. It’s been there from the start. She just never paid a lot of attention to it, because they’ve always been running. From curses to villains and back. From forgetting to soul mates, to misunderstandings and more. 

“Yes, well, maybe,” Regina concedes, “but we never… I mean…” She is confused. Immensely so. Being in Emma’s proximity does not really help.

“No, we never,” Emma interjects, grabbing the edge of the kitchen island firmly. “Because there were always circumstances. Villains to fight, curses to break, soulmates-” she cuts herself off. An involuntary shiver runs down Regina’s spine, because that’s almost  _ exactly _ what she’s thought before. “And I just… didn’t want to get in the way of your happiness.” 

Soulmates. Happiness. Regina bites her lip. She acknowledges that there undeniably was a chance for Emma and her to grow close before they knew of Pan’s curse. But it never happened. 

A silence falls over them, and it is a heavy one. It puts a weight on their shoulders, makes them uncomfortable until Emma gathers up all her courage.

“Do you remember… what I said to you in your vault?” 

Regina makes a waving gesture with her hands. “You said many things when you were in my vault,” she sighs, but Emma can see that she knows what Emma’s talking about, and she waits until Regina concedes. Again. “Yes.”

“I told you I wanted to be your friend.” 

“Yes. Yes, that you did.” Regina folds her arms in front of her chest. It’s a defense mechanism, they both know it.

“I lied.”

Sometimes, Regina thinks, the earth really comes to a full stop. This is one of these moments. She’s stunned. And she doesn’t want Emma to say anything else. She wants to stop her before she says something that they will both regret.

“Robin left yesterday,” Regina lashes out, both wanting to hear Emma’s next words and fearing them at the same time. “It’s hardly appropriate to talk about any of that.” 

“Well, yes, he did. But you’re the one that took a potion to erase your love, and it worked. So that makes right now as good as any other time. And I’m not the one who started kissing.”

“We- I- How do you know?” Baffled, Regina meets Emma’s eyes. “Did Henry - Do you  _ remember _ ?”

Emma smirks wryly. “Well, no. I guessed, because I’ve been able to control myself for a couple of years already. I can’t see why I suddenly would not be able to do so. Plus, apparently I’m right because you basically affirmed it just now.” 

Regina shakes her head in disbelief and feeling unsure for the first time in a long, long time, she doesn’t know where to look. She feels insecure. Vulnerable. And she’s not even the one pouring out her heart here. Emma’s admission has astonished her. It intrigues her at the same time. She  _ needs _ to know more.

“Years?” Her voice sounds small. Shaky.

Emma tilts her head only a little bit. “Years,” she confirms. “I’m very good at hiding.”

“But… Hook…” 

“I kissed him,” Emma shrugs. “I dated him. I even brought his heart back to him.” Emma smiles sheepishly and shrugs, a little awkward. “He was… available, I guess. I was lonely, hurt, and he gave me the attention I thought I needed. I thought being  _ wanted _ was enough. Lost girl, remember? And being an orphan did wonders for my poker face. If I want to… if  _ you  _ want to... I can hide my feelings for you… indefinitely.” 

Regina still does not have the courage to do anything else but stare.  _ Feelings _ . There are so many questions. She opens her mouth, but she can’t seem to form any sound, let alone sentences, and the silence lingers on until Emma sighs before taking a few steps to the door.

“Look, Regina… I’ll leave. For now. Because I really don’t want to ruin our friendship and apparently, I’ve said things you need to think about.” When she passes Regina, she gently touches the brunette’s shoulder. 

“Hey, and at least it wasn’t some new villain that we have to fight, right? It was just our overachieving son. We’ve solved this, relatively easy. Together, like always.” She gives Regina’s shoulder a soft squeeze. Regina, who’s still too stunned to say anything, simply nods. And so, Emma steps out, leaving Regina behind in her suddenly very empty, silent kitchen.

~*~

Regina can’t sleep. She’s lying on her back and staring at the ceiling. She’s fiddled with her phone for the last hour, wondering if she should send Emma a message. Wondering if she would get one first. Or maybe one in return. But the phone stays quiet, and Regina doesn’t know what she’d even want to type, so she just occasionally checks for messages in an automated gesture.

For the past hours, she’s gone over the history she shares with Emma. She’s gone back as far as their first meeting, bringing Henry home. Emma ruining her tree. Regina slapping Emma near her vault. She’d felt… threatened. Still so consumed by revenge. But it changed over time, and Emma had become her… ally. Now she thinks about it, she’s never realized when that happened. It just did.

Things changed between them in Neverland, both worrying over their son. Moving the moon together. Regina telling Emma that Henry was all she had, all she cared about… After that, there was an understanding. 

Yes, she’d felt...  _ something _ . And she’d repressed this something, as soon as they learned about Pan’s curse and Regina had to give up what she loved most. Henry. 

_ Right? _

So she made sure that he’d get everything he wanted through Emma. She’d instilled her own memories in their new reality before ending up in the Enchanted Forest again, creating a potion to help her sleep. But moments before she wanted to prick her finger with the sleeping curse, seconds before Zelena had appeared, Henry hadn’t been the only one on her mind. At the time, she hadn’t thought twice about it because it was obvious she’d also think about Emma. After all, she was her son’s caretaker.

_ Remember that moment at the town’s border? _

Regina swallowed. She did. There was this moment in which Emma said that it didn’t sound like a happy ending to her. Then, Regina had thought it was because she would be separated from her parents again. But the tear-filled eyes… Now she thinks about it - did Emma’s poker face slip?   
  
Her heart skips a beat as her mind thinks about the moment before moving on. To when they returned to Storybrooke, to the moment she saw the lion tattoo. Soulmates.

If she’s truly honest with herself, she wasn’t just stunned because she recognized the tattoo. Right after Emma and Henry had returned and Emma had been the only one believing that it wasn’t her who’d cast the new curse. 

She was also shocked because seeing the tattoo clearly meant that something else wasn’t meant to be.

_ Or was it? _

Regina takes hours to mull over every encounter, every moment, to see what signs she’s missed. She’s analyzing everything she felt at the time, as far as she can still remember. She’d never had much with fairies and their opinions, so why did Tink’s message, all those years ago, weigh stronger than something else that could have been? Did she want a chance in happiness so much that she couldn’t even see past it?

If she’s done with that, she relives the encounters again, but then thinks about Emma’s words. She tries to spot signs of Emma’s feelings from the very beginning, but Emma is right -- she has a great poker face. And yet, there are a few slips which she now recognizes.

Saying goodbye at the town’s border. Making amends in her vault. 

Yesterday evening.

Regina pinches her nose. She’s developing a headache because of her overthinking. 

The only thing that remotely tells Regina anything is that Emma always  _ touches _ her. Nobody ever does, except for Henry. The rest? Still too afraid. But Emma, Emma’s never refrained from taking her hand, touching her arm, leg or shoulder. For comfort, or just a gentle way to grab her attention. 

And she realizes, apart from Henry, Emma’s the only one who is  _ allowed _ to touch Regina. 

She remembers the touch from the last morning. Emma’s body pressed against her back. Her hand on Regina’s stomach. 

She kicks away her duvet. It’s far too warm, she growls. Maybe she should take the winter duvet off, switch it for the summer one. 

It’s three in the morning when she gets out of bed and takes the summer duvet from her closet. With rough movements she makes the bed, trying to clear her head. Her body is so tired - not just from the lack of sleep, but all the emotional outbursts and magic potions coiling inside her body have worn her out, as well. 

After another thirty minutes, she gives up on sleep, entirely. If she’s awake anyway, she can better make use of her time. After all, she has a deal to honor because even if she doesn’t remember, she knows she made it. He’d never give up the missing ingredient if she hadn’t.

So, she sends Belle a text message, teleports to her vault, gets what she needs, and poofs back to the kitchen where she starts brewing a potion. She needs to address one of her books to get the measurements right but finally, after all the thinking and over-analyzing she’s done these past few hours, it’s something that keeps her mind from wandering to a certain blonde and thoughts of what it all  _ means. _

It is how Henry finds her in the morning, bleary-eyed from just waking up. “What are you doing, mom?” 

“Making a potion,” Regina curtly says, only offering him a small smile.    
  
“For who?” He suddenly looks suspicious, and she can’t stop herself from rolling her eyes.

“Don’t worry, dear, it’s not for me. It’s for a deal I apparently made with Hook, and the last thing I want to be indebted to him in any way.” 

Henry seems to understand that, shrugs, and moves past her to grab the cereal. She continues with her potion and motions him to sit at a safe distance from her brewery, and watches how he starts to shovel the cereal into his mouth.

He swallows, and asks: “Did you talk to Emma?” 

So far for keeping her thoughts to the blonde at bay, Regina sourly thinks. 

“Yes, I did.” 

He tilts his head and waits for her to continue. She sighs. “She left. I- We…talked, and-”   
  
“Did you fight again?” His shoulders drop, but she shakes her head.

“No, actually… we didn’t,” she reassures him. “We just need some time to think.”

“Because I told you I saw you kiss her?” 

Tact has never been one of his virtues, she thinks. “Partly,” she answers.

He’s quiet for a while, chewing thoughtfully.

“Did the curse break?” 

Regina looks up from her potion and arches an eyebrow. “Which one?” 

He averts his eyes. “The one I created,” he mutters, cheeks a little pink with embarrassment. 

She smiles. “No, dear, we still don’t know what happened. That will be my next project, however, I feel that Emma and I have filled in most parts.”

“I’m sorry, mom.” 

“I know you are.” She moves towards him and presses a kiss on his head. “You are still very much grounded, though.”   
  
He groans, but smiles. Regina’s forgiven him already.

~*~ 

It doesn’t take long before Henry goes to school and Regina is on her way to the docks. She’s made a stop at Gold’s shop to retrieve the missing item first and keeps all the necessary items firmly in a container as she enters the Jolly Roger. All is still very quiet on the ship. She scoffs. The one-handed wonder probably inhaled too much rum to be an early bird, she snorts to herself. 

She bangs on the captain’s door - she could’ve entered but the idea of seeing any part of the pirate undressed makes her feel physically ill, so she gives him a few minutes to wake and get dressed. “Wake up, Hook,” she snaps at him through the door when he takes his time. She wants to get this over with.

It’s not long before a confused pirate, half-dressed, opens the door. Appalled, she takes a step back. He reeks of sweat, leather and a hangover, and she feels how her intestines protest when all the scents come together in her nose.

“What the hell happened to  _ you _ ?” 

He looks at her with bloodshot eyes. “Got drunk,” he tells her, a bit hoarse from just waking up, rubbing his hand over his eyes and then through his hair. “Got laid. What do you want?”

His words send an involuntary shiver down her spine, but she straightens her shoulders. “I’m here to honor our deal. Let’s get it over with.” 

“Ah. Like the good witch you are,” he mocks and suddenly, he seems more awake. He makes a grand gesture for her to enter, a vicious smile on his face, but the stench inside is even worse. 

“Let’s take this outside,” she retorts, appalled, her brain still working through the ‘get laid’ part. “I’m not really in the mood for a carbon monoxide poisoning in the morning.” 

He smirks darkly. “Never figured you were the one to turn down a room filled with the scent of hot lovemaking,” he casually mentions, quirking an eyebrow, and for the faintest moment, her face drops. She knows he saw it, but she puts on a mask of sheer indifference within the blink of an eye.

Regina lifts her head and meets his… overly satisfied gaze and must refrain from clenching her jaw. “Then let’s get to it,” she retorts coolly while her insides are twisting and turning. “So you can finally use both hands. Maybe she’ll finally have some fun then, as well.” 

“She didn’t have anything to complain about, from the moment she looked me up last night. There was a lot of alcohol involved, as well, but this personal... savior of mine was relentless.” He clearly enjoys talking about his victory, looks at her between his lashes to see if there’s any physical response from Regina.

Inside, her heart breaks into tiny little pieces. She is surprised how hard the force of the word “savior” smashes into her chest - it hurts like she’s never hurt before. Everything screams at her to turn and walk away. She feels her stomach squeezing - it feels as if she needs to throw up. She does not want to see who’s still inside the pirate’s quarters - but who else then Emma could be here? Did the conversation they had yesterday hurt her so much that it drove her right back into the godawful idiot who was standing right in front of her? She feels devastated, insecure, sick to the core.   
  
However, no matter how miserable she feels, she can’t ever show him. He’s waiting for a reply, and she will  _ not  _ give him the satisfaction of ever showing him how she feels. How broken she is on the inside. Her mask of indifference stays in place as she just quirks her eyebrow, while her world shatters around her. Again.

“Well, as… _entertaining_ as your little adventure with the fairer sex might be, let’s get this particular part over with, shall we?” She turns to grab the item she retrieved from Belle. The pirate’s hand. The same one Gold attached to his body before the pirate went on an insane rampage and punched Will Scarlett into a bloody mess. She needs to focus on that and block everything else out.

“As the mayor of this town, I do have to inquire if you’ll be off maiming our citizens again, once reattached,” she coolly tells him as he dislodges his hook.

“Don’t worry,  _ Madam Mayor,” _ he sneers, holding his arm out, and when she meets his eyes, he wiggles his eyebrows, challenging her. “I’ve got more...  _ pressing _ matters to tend to. I’ve got a cute, badass blonde in my bed with very specific interests, who won’t leave this ship for a while. In  _ fact _ , within moments she’ll be begging me to allow her to stay.” 

Oh god, she really,  _ really _ doesn’t want to know. She turns away from him, nostrils flaring as bile rises up to her throat. She feels the need to throw up. 

She ignores his last remark, holds up the hand and starts muttering an incantation. A soft purple glow surrounds the hand while she lets a few drops fall on the stump. Gritting her teeth to ban everything else out, she watches how the glow brightens somewhat before it dies out again.

His fingers start to wriggle, and she lets go of his hand in a flash, not wanting to touch him any more than she has to.

“Our deal is done,” she says, face blank and voice clear of all emotions.

“So it is,” Hook says, satisfied. “Now, if that’s all, I’ve got someone to tend to. You’ll see yourself off of my ship, won’t you?” He turns without a thank you and opens the door.

“Babe? Where were you?” 

There’s an instant ringing sound in her ears, and black spots are appearing in her peripheral view as she panics and then watches how a woman with long blond, curly hair appears in the door’s opening. She’s practically naked, looks at her blearily, then turns to Hook, pouting. “I got cold.” 

Regina swallows a lump away before she registers what she is seeing exactly, and she blinks. Twice. Then, her eyes flick to Hook, who looks at her smugly.

“Got you there, witch,” he grins, enveloping the blonde bimbo in an embrace before pushing her back inside. The door closes with a loud bang, and Regina stands frozen in the spot. Only when certain sounds emerge from the captain’s quarters, she feels the familiar revulsion again and she hastily makes her way off the ship before she throws up on the deck. When she’s firmly standing on the pier again, she heaves deep breaths, gulping the fresh air, and she processes what just happened. What she just saw.

_ The blonde is not Emma.  _

She needs to get away from the docks because it physically makes her sick to stay here any longer. Hook toyed with her and she let him - she was so easy to trick! She feels miserable again when she realizes she was so quick to believe what he was insinuating that she’s embarrassed herself to the core. How could Regina even believe for a second, especially after what happened last night, that Emma would run back into the pirate’s - horrifyingly smelling - arms?

She needs to see Emma, right now. Suddenly, there’s a desperate determination springing from her deepest core which puts her into motion. She must know if Emma is all right.    
  
She looks at her watch. It’s almost time for Emma’s morning coffee, and without thinking, Regina teleports to right outside Granny’s diner. 

“Whoah. Regina? What are you doing here?”

Regina whirls around as the purple smoke evaporates, and she can’t hide the distress from what she just  _ thought _ she witnessed from her face. She sees the blonde standing there with her hands firmly tucked in that hideous red jacket, eyeing her with a guarded look in her eyes, and Regina’s eyes flick over her body as if she can’t believe Emma’s really standing in front of her. Upon seeing Regina’s face, Emma’s brow instantly furrows. “What’s wrong?” 

Oh, god, nothing’s wrong. Not anymore. 

Regina feels how the waves of relief wash over her, cleanse her soul, and she wants to make sure it  _ never happens again.  _ Her breath hitches as she takes a brief moment to tell herself that Emma’s okay. She’s okay. They both are. 

And then, Regina finally takes her life into her own hands when she closes the distance between them, pressing her lips on the blonde’s, who yelps in surprise. Emma stiffens for just a split second, and Regina is terrified that she’s made another mistake, but Emma melts into the kiss almost immediately. Regina’s despair, terror and nauseating feelings evaporate immediately when Emma’s soft lips hungrily start to move over hers, and her belly is on fire - it’s a heat she’s never felt before. It almost consumes her when Emma softly bites in her lip and it extracts a whimpering sound from her throat she never thought she had in her. The heat rises and spreads through her entire body and when it reaches her heart, it seems to explode. She  _ thought _ it was only her, but Emma pulls back, wide-eyed, and Regina registers it was something else, entirely.

The fog in her mind slowly lifts as she registers what Emma whispers. “Regina… I  _ remember. _ ” 

And Regina realizes, so does she. She gasps. They’ve almost entirely retraced the steps of their missing day, except for the final part - how they ended up in bed together. Fully clothed.

Emma’s eyes are gentle as they both remember. Emma, horrified, asking what Regina did with the dolphin’s tear potion. Regina explaining what was about to happen before it actually did - breaking down emotionally for the first time, ending with Regina, heavily induced by the potion, desperately pressing her lips on Emma’s.

Regina looks away in embarrassment as she remembers how Emma carefully untangled herself from her arms before guiding her to her bedroom.  _ “Try to sleep off the potion, Regina,”  _ Emma had said. The memory of Regina’s desperate whispered reply,  _ “Don’t leave me _ ,” softens Emma’s gaze, and it makes Regina close her eyes.

“After you fell asleep, I just couldn’t leave you,” Emma softly says while she cups Regina’s chin and forces the brunette to look at her. “I’d intended to stay awake. Help you through the next… emotional wave. But I guess I ended up falling asleep right next to you.”

“I took the potion,” Regina remembers with a thick voice, “because I didn’t want to depend on anyone anymore. I hated what Robin’s departure did to me and my mother’s voice kept… screaming at me that love was weakness. After I went to visit August, I couldn't take it anymore. I was frustrated with everything and everyone. Angry. You lost me for a couple of hours.” Emma nods, Regina sighs. “That’s when I created it. I didn’t drink it right away, I took it right before you arrived at the mansion, later that night. Henry must’ve gone to the vault after I left.” 

For a moment, they stand still, revelling in the moment. Emma’s hands frame Regina’s face, Regina’s hands are wrapped loosely around Emma’s waist. Emma brings her lips forward for a small kiss. “Regina, when you materialized here, you were incredibly anxious. What got you so riled up before you arrived?”

“Hook.” 

Emma frowned. “What? Why? What did he say? I went there yesterday after our conversation to end things with him.”

Regina sighs. Even more to apologize for. “It didn’t take long before he drowned his sorrow and took refuge into the arms of a blonde, big-breasted bimbo which he probably picked up at The Rabbit Hole. Only, I didn’t know that. He insinuated…” Her voice drifts, and Emma snorts in disbelief.

“Really?” She looks a little offended. “After pouring my heart out, you thought I’d run right back into his?” 

“I -- of course not. It’s just…” She feels how her cheeks flush again and feels entirely exposed. Vulnerable. “Emma, I’m not used to people… choosing  _ me.”  _ It’s true. Most of her life, people have left her, turned away from her, or came to her because they needed something from her. Truthfully, especially after marrying the King, she didn’t make it easy for herself, either.

Emma’s thumb slowly caresses Regina’s cheek. “Oh, Regina,” she sighs softly, shaking her head lightly. “Don’t you know?” 

“Don’t I know what?” Brown eyes search for answers in green ones, but Emma smiles, and Regina sees something in her eyes that shouldn’t surprise her, but still does. Every time.

“I’ve always chosen you,” Emma gently says. “Almost since the beginning. You just never opened up enough to see it.” She pulls Regina a little closer, and Regina knows Emma tells the truth. Her heart feels lighter. 

“Well, if it eases your mind, dear,” she says, a little confidence regained, “I do now. And… I choose you, too. I don’t know where it will lead, and there’s probably many obstacles, but-”   
  
“Less talking, more kissing,” Emma murmurs before covering Regina’s lips with her own.

All that needs to be said has been said, and they’ll have plenty of time to figure out the rest. Regina melts in Emma’s embrace and sighs contently. This, she can get used to, she thinks with a shaky breath.

And she’ll have plenty of time to get used to it. 

They’ll have the rest of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3  
> Find me on Twitter: @queststar

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Remember Me (I'm the One Who Loves You) [ART]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25957564) by [kierrass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kierrass/pseuds/kierrass)




End file.
